Love at first glimpse
by dreamergirl113
Summary: my first ever fanfic. Spashley as if they didn't meet in high school.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when she walked in – the most breath-taking beautiful girl I'd ever seen. She had this curly brown hair and the most amazingly big eyes and don't even get me started on her body. Can I just say right now I'm _not_ gay. I mean, I can't be. I like guys. I do. But there's nothing wrong with appreciating the female form every once in a while is there?

Anyway, my name's Spencer. Spencer Carlin. I'm at my first year at UCLA studying film and media. Aside from that there's not really much else you need to know about me. I'm pretty average. But back to the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen…

I was on a date – see, yet more evidence to prove that I'm straight. He – the guy I was supposed to be on a date with – was dull. I mean fall asleep, 3rd grade, English teacher dull. It was bad. So here I was, trying to pay attention to this guy's third account of how he once saved a cat from a tree when he was a kid. Thrilling stuff. We were at this really fancy restaurant, the kind all the nice but incredible boring guys take you in a first date, and I was really out of my comfort zone. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt sort of girl and this place was definitely not jeans and t-shirt. When in she walked, really confidently, like she knew where she was going. I saw loads of people turn around and stare at her and I wondered if she was famous or something. I watched the manager scurry over to her, I couldn't hear what she was saying but she looked pissed. All I caught of the conversation was the poor managers mantra of _I'm so sorry Miss Davies, it won't happen again_. Davies. Why did that name sound familiar? Then I clocked; Davies. As in Ashley Davies. As in the daughter of Raife Davies - rock legend. I couldn't believe it.

It was only now that I noticed the sheepish looking guy standing behind her. He looked more than a bit embarrassed by her. I wondered if he was her boyfriend. I hoped he wasn't. Wait, this is crazy, why should I care whether or not rock princess Davies has a boyfriend or not. I tore my eyes away from the drama unfolding behind me and tried to concentrate on my date.

"So I was, like really in a lot a pain, but I kept going and made it, like, all the way to line. And that's how we won regionals."

Uhm, how many times was it possible for someone to use the word "like" that many times in one sentence? I was puzzled when I looked up to his expectant face. Oh right, wake up Spencer, he'd been telling a story and now he wants me to make a comment about how "like awesome" he is. Note the use of sarcasm.

"Um, yeah, it sounded amazing," I said, whilst nodding in what I hoped was an enthusiastic manner. It didn't take a genius to see I wasn't interested. But apparently it did take an egotistical, moronic jock. Why did I agree to go out with him again? Oh yeah, because my best friend Chelsea said "he was _oh so_ nice". I mean, I love Chelsea and everything but sometimes that girl is just too nice for her own good.

Suddenly I was snapped out of my unproductive daydream by some really loud yelling coming from behind me. It was Ashley Davies's table. And the yelling was coming from Ashley Davies's mouth. In a totally subtle way, I turned to stare at the argument taking place between the girl herself and the store manager I had seen earlier.

"What do you mean this is the only pasta you do? Call yourself an Italian restaurant?"

I didn't his reply but it gave me a chance to study the people around her. There was the boy I had seen from earlier. There was also a pretty girl that looked a bit like the rock star but not as pretty, and her eyes weren't as big or as brown and her lips weren't as kissable. Wait, kissable? Where the hell did that come from? Back to the other girl, who now looked super angry and was clutching tightly onto the boy. Good. That was good, judging by the way she just whispered in his ear they were together, which meant that Ashley was single. Whoa, that was a seriously impressive leap. Well at least I hope she's single. Oh my God, here I go again – what is wrong with me today? I am not into girls. I am not into girls. I continued to repeat my new mantra in my head as I watched her storm out the restaurant, closely followed by the other two. Whilst I attempted not to think about how good her ass looked in those jeans. Umm, I wondered how her ass looked without the jeans?

Ahhhhhhhh. Okay, seriously, what is wrong with me?

This is not normal.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I wearily opened my eyes, dreading the moment when I had to venture out of my cosy bed and out into the cold air. I could hear my roommate Chelsea messing about in the kitchen and smelt bacon. Well, if that wasn't an incentive to get out of bed then I don't know what was. Reluctantly I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on my favourite polka dot dressing gown, stumbling to the kitchen. I immediately plonked myself down on the kitchen table and promptly attempted to go back to sleep again on the table.

"Whoa, what's up with you? Sleepy head."

That was Chelsea. She is always happy. And I mean _always_. I lifted my head up off the table to see my best friend dancing round the kitchen in her pyjamas, singing along with the radio. I glanced at the clock. Only 9:17. Way too early to deal with Chelsea peppiness. Not to mention the dancing.

"Soooo, how was your date last night?" Chelsea gushed excitedly, whilst proceeding to do the cancan round the kitchen table.

Wait, what happened last night? My date. Ashley Davies. Ashley Davies's ass.

I groaned loudly.

"Ohhh, that bad, huh?"

I looked up to see Chelsea surprisingly now sitting down opposite me, eating her freshly cooked breakfast. Even more surprisingly was that there was now a plate in front of me too, with actual food on it. I gratefully started tucking in.

"Soo, back to the date Spencer."

"_Oh_," I groaned loudly again, "I am never letting you set me up with anyone again. Ever again," I added crossly. "It was awful. I mean, he never shut up and all he could talk about was himself." I was on a roll now.

"Aww, I'm sorry. Clay said he was nice," Chelsea began making her excuses but I wasn't having any of it. Clay is her boyfriend, by the way, and also my brother – just in case you were wondering. But as for my rant about Brad, or moronic idiot as he is otherwise known, that was _far_ from over.

"I have never met a more ignorant, self-obsessed moron in my whole life. I'm telling you, Chelsea, I am done with men. They're all idiots, the lot of them. I am never going out with another man again. _Ever_."

I frowned, seeing Chelsea's smug grin.

"WHAT?"I exclaimed rather loudly.

Chelsea bit her lip and smiled at me smugly again. Seriously, what was with this girl today?

"Chelsea," I demanded crossly, "tell me."

"Um, well," Chelsea blushed, "I always had my suspicions but this just takes the biscuit."

_Takes the biscuit_. I mean, who says that? I mean, aside from Chelsea, obviously.

"Well, I mean you've never really been interested in boys. I mean, I've know I've also known you since we were like fifteen. But even then you were never really crazy about them. You were always obsessed with Beyoncé and Rihanna. Come on, you hated JLS, for Christ sakes. I mean, how could you hate them? They're hot. Wait, don't tell Clay I said that."

Chelsea's ramblings were not making a great deal of sense.

"Chelsea, what exactly are you trying to say?" I demanded. I really wasn't in the mood for her nonsense.

"Well, have you ever considered, you know, trying something different?"

I stared at her blankly.

"Um switching sides."

Still staring.

"Have you ever thought about dating, well…"

I shot her daggers.

"A girl," she said simply.

"A GIRL," I exploded, "YOU MEAN YOU THINK I'M GAY."

I couldn't believe this. I wasn't gay. Wait. What about Ashley? No. I still wasn't gay. I couldn't be. Could I? I stormed off perhaps a bit too dramatically and went and hid in my bedroom.

An hour later, after repeatedly going over the reasons why I could not be gay, I heard a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" I heard Chelsea soft voice say quietly. I didn't reply but she came in anyway, like I knew she would. She walked in and sat down on my bed next to me and reached in to give me a hug. I tried to pull away but I knew that resistance would be futile.

"You ok?" she asked. "I was only joking, you know that," she said but I knew she didn't mean it. She wasn't joking; she genuinely thought that I was. But I couldn't be. My über conservative Christian mum would kill me. And that was reason enough. Oh dear, here I go again, this really wasn't productive.

"Chelsea, can we go out tonight?"

"Sure thing, where do you want to go?" Chelsea said, trying to get in my good books again.

"I don't care anywhere. A club or something."

"Sure thing, whatever you want," she smiled happily.

"Chelsea?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not, you know…" I trailed off.

"Gay?"

I nodded.

"I know," she said unconvincingly. And I wondered whom I was trying to convince. Chelsea or myself?

The rest of the day passed surprisingly well. And when we finally arrived at Greys, the club that Chelsea had chosen, we met up with clay and his friend and roommate Sean. And everything was going fine, I had a few shots and was pleasantly tipsy. It was only when the stupid ass DJ decided to play Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl". Needless to say, I wasn't happy particularly when I saw some girls on the dance floor practically having sex with their clothes on. But before I could look away a cute red head girl had caught my eyes and was making her way to me across the dance floor. Just a sec. _Cute_. I didn't mean cute. Okay, I don't know what I meant. And _help_, she was almost next to me now. But before I could move into full blown panic mode she was whispering seductively in my ear.

"I saw you watching them."

God, that was so hot. Ah, what was _wrong_ with me?

"Wanna dance?" she said sweetly. And before I even knew what was happening, she had taken me by the hand and led me to the dance floor. She instantly began gyrating against me. This was so wrong but it felt so good. So right.

It was then that I made the fatal mistake. I looked around me at the people loitering at the edge of the dance floor. I caught sight of a man with a disgusted look on his face. Then I really saw that he was looking at me. He shook his head at me. I looked down and saw that the girl's arms were now wrapped around my waist. I looked around, my head spinning. And saw that man's expression reflected on a hundred other faces. This couldn't be happening.

I pulled away from the girl. Hurriedly untangling her arms from my waist, I ran out of the club, pushing past people as I made like a crazy person for the exit.

Only then did I allow myself to break down and cry. I sunk to my knees and buried my head in my hands. Why was this happening to me? I had never felt more alive than in those girl's arms yet I had never felt more disgusted with myself.

I mean, it wasn't like I was a virgin or anything. I mean, I hadn't been with that many boys but I'd been with enough. And the sex had been all right. Oh, who was I trying to kid? The sex was awful. But I had assumed that I just hadn't found the right person, or perhaps they just weren't doing it right. But I defiantly didn't want to have sex with a girl. Did I?

Oh no. Now that having sex with a girl was in my brain I couldn't stop thinking about it. What about sex with Ashley? Umm, _that_ was a nice thought.

"You all right, darling?"

I looked up to see a man with his hair slicked back and the cockiest, most revolting smile I've ever seen. I was not attracted to him. So I can only apologise for what I did next.

"I am now that you're here."

I tried my sluttiest voice imaginable and gave him what I hoped was a sexy smile. The whole time I just wanted to yell at myself to stop. This wasn't me. But there was one thing that kept driving me forwards. It was that I should like this, I should be taken in by this man's charm and I wasn't. And I so desperately wanted to be. I was trying to prove something, not just everyone else. But to myself.

"So, want go back to my place…?"

I stood up and slipped my arm through his and strutted silently away. Scared that if I was to say another word, I would be sick. Or if I let go of his arm I would fall down and never want to get back up again.

The rest of the night was a blur, or maybe it was so horrific I deleted it from my memory entirely. But I remember thinking, just as I was about to fall asleep beside and his ridiculously loud snoring, that this was wasn't what I wanted. I wanted someone that I knew I shouldn't. I wanted Ashley Davies


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I woke up with a pounding headache and only one thing on my mind - Ashley Davies. I dreamt some pretty vivid dreams, involving one very hot brunette, moi and a whole lot of whipped cream. Definitely not PG rated stuff. I don't even know where these fantasies were coming from but I liked them. And I had decided that today was to be a good day. No self-pitying, sleeping with random men, getting mad at Chelsea. Actually, talking of random men, I realised I was alone in my bed. And for the first time in my life I was glad men were such cowards because I really wasn't up for the awkward 'morning after' conversation.

So despite my rather painful head, I fixed a big smile on my face. Hoping that if I acted happy long enough I might start to believe it myself. So I strolled out of my room, grabbing my dressing gown on the way and into the living room/art studio. Well actually it's more art studio than living room as Chelsea practically lives there. I found Chelsea, as promised working on a rather amazing painting of some kind of bird.

"Chelsea," I yelled, trying to attract her attention before noticing the earphones and the faint sound of "Moves Like Jagger". Well at least that explained the extremely dodgy dance moves. I walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Oh hey Spencer, you're up early," she remarked. I looked at the clock; it wasn't even nine o'clock yet. I have a slight habit of sleeping in 'til 'bout one on Sundays. Well, it is supposed to be the day of rest and all that. And in my eyes rest = sleep.

"Well, um, I couldn't sleep," I replied as I walked into the nearby kitchen and helped myself to a bowl of cereal. I returned to the living room to find a rather unconvinced Chelsea.

"Um, huh. And this wouldn't have anything to do with that delightful guy you brought home last night, would it?" Chelsea doesn't really do sarcastic very well but I was pretty sure she was making an attempt at sarcasm.

I didn't answer.

"You know this isn't like you Spencer. Getting drunk and bringing random guys home. It isn't you. Plus, you know what you get like when you're drunk," Chelsea was giving me her most disapproving look.

"All right mom," I said sarcastically. "Look, it was a mistake okay. A big mistake," I watched her sternness disappear – Chelsea could never be mad at anyone for long.

"I'm going for a walk,' I announced.

"Spencer," she called out after me.

"Uh, what," I yelled at her angrily. Something told me my good mood was not going to last all day.

"Um, you might want to put some clothes on first."

Oh right, I was still wearing my dressing gown.

"Right," I said sheepishly and made my way back to my room and noticed my computer. I smiled to myself – time for a bit of Ashley Davies google-ing. So while my computer was turning on I put on my all-time favourite Ashley Davies song and proceeded to do a dance around my bed. Maybe today was going to be a good day after all.

Once my computer was on I immediately googled the name Ashley Davies. I already knew who she was through her music and if I was being honest I'd always had the teeniest girl crush on her since like _forever_. Plus, I really admired her for coming out to the whole world and not giving a crap what anyone else thought. Yes. Ashley Davies is gay and proud. Barely a week goes by without picture of her hooking up with yet another Victoria Secret model or some randomer she had met at a club. Well, I guess we had that in common. But now I wanted to know everything there was to know about the rock princess.

A few hours later, after reading various news articles and reading through her whole Wikipedia page, which was ridiculously long, I felt rather well informed and probably could've gone on a quiz show with Ashley Davies as my specialist subject. Then I remembered the fact that I was supposed to be going on a walk. So I quickly had a shower and threw on skinny jeans and a printed tee shirt, pulled on my favourite pair of boots, grabbed my coat and headed out the door, on my way yelling a goodbye to oblivious Chelsea.

Once I was out of the apartment complex, I breathed in the cool January air and set off walking on the busy streets of L.A. I wasn't really sure where I was going, I just like going for a walk sometimes, it helps me think or something. And I had a lot to think about.

I wondered what Ashley was doing right now. Ashley. I could get used to saying that name. I thought back to the moment in the restaurant, she was so angry and so beautiful. I could stare into those beautiful brown eyes for forever. Her hair was so perfect and the way she scrunched her nose up when she was yelling at that manager was adorable. Then again absolutely everything about her was perfect.

I was snapped out of my melodramatic crazy-in-love ramblings, by my stomach growling loudly. Then I remembered that I hadn't actually had any lunch. I look up at where I was, identifying a few familiar shops and navigated my way to one of my favourite cafés. Then I walked through the door and sat down at a small table booth at the back. Usually I sit at the front so I can watch the people walk past me on the street but not today. Today I was happy with my own thoughts.

I was just sitting there lost in my daydream again, when she ran in and sat down next to me. She was wearing a hat and sunglasses but I would have recognised that girl anywhere.

"Ashley Davies," I exclaimed ludicrously and rather loudly.

"Shhhhh," she reached across the table and put her hand over my mouth. Well, she didn't have to worry about me speaking; she had taken off her sunglasses and I was speechless and mesmerised by those eyes. She took her hand away and I just stared.

"Look, I'll give you a hundred bucks and a couple of VIP concert tickets. Just don't tell anyone I'm here. Please," she looked at me with pleading eyes. Oh, those eyes.

She looked at me again.

"Oh right. Um, sure," I managed to stutter. God, what a moron she must think I am. But somehow I managed to get myself together. "I'm Spencer," I blurted out, feeling the need to introduce myself. And then she looked at me. Like she was seeing me for the first time. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment or two, before she shyly replied;

"I'm Ashley."

I laughed "I know", and then she laughed. Then we laughed together. I couldn't believe this was happening. Ashley Davies was sitting here talking to me.

"So why are you hiding," I remarked shyly.

"Oh, I decided to walk back from my recording studio. Big mistake," she laughed and I giggle nervously, behaving like a silly schoolgirl. "The paparazzi attacked me. So I pulled on my trusty disguise that I always carry with me," she said, gesturing to her hat and her sunglasses, "and I ducked in here."

I marvelled at her. She spoke like being chased by the paparazzi was just a normal everyday occurrence for her. Well I guess it was. She shifted, uncomfortable at my staring, and changed the subject. I probably should stop staring, it is a _bit_ weird. Okay, it's a lot weird. But she's Ashley Davies for crying out loud. This doesn't happen every day.

"So are you at collage or something, Spence."

Oh my God. She called me Spence. I felt my knees go weak at the use of my nickname. But somehow I managed to blurt out my answer like a semi functional human being.

"Yeah, I'm at UCLA," I said gazing into her eyes. Then just at that moment the waitresses came up to ask for our order – I seriously could have murdered her for that.

"Can I take your order?" the waitress said. I shot her evils as Ashley hastily pushed her sunglasses back on and stared at the table desperately trying not be noticed. I was really hungry and so wanted to order the BLT. However I also didn't want to look like a huge pig in front of Ashley. So instead I stuck with coffee.

"Latte, please," I said looking at Ashley, who was now grinning at me.

"Same," Ashley said not taking her eyes of my face, smirking now. But only when the waitress had walked away did she break into an incredibly loud fit of laughter.

"What's so funny?" I said, looking as bemused as I felt as she removed her sunglasses for the second time. This just caused more laughter.

"That waitress was so checking you out," she announced between fits of giggles.

"What. No she wasn't," I said obstinately. This really wasn't a comfortable topic of conversation, I had way too much of Chelsea on my case about the aforementioned topic to last a lifetime.

"Spence, she so was," she said, smiling at me again. And there she goes with the nickname and the smiling. She really wasn't what I was expecting her to be like. She was normal, down to earth and really, really beautiful.

"But anyway, what are you studying at UCLA?" she said, seeming to sense my unwillingness to discuss the earlier line of conversation.

"Um. Media. Well, film really," I said confidently. "I want to do documentaries when I'm older. You know, like uncover truth behind famous people."

"Like me then," Ashley grinned me.

"Yeah, like you," I replied dreamily. Then, with a burst of confidence that even surprised me, "Ash."

"Yes," she blushed at the use of the nickname. She was looked so cute when she blushed. Less confident. More real.

"You know you said that you'd do anything just for me not to tell anyone who you are."

"Okay, I don't quite remember saying that. But go on," Ashley replied, looking a little worried at where this was going.

"Well, I've got this assignment from collage. To do a documentary on someone we know. We hardly ever get documentary assignments. And they are kinda my thing. So I was wondering if I could do mine on you," I blushed awkwardly. And instantly regretted what I had said. Why would she want to be in some amateur documentary? She had a tonne of real documentaries made about her. What was I thinking? "I mean. You don't have to. It was just an idea. I'm sure you have better things to be doing," I quickly backtracked.

I was not prepared for what she did next. She reached across the table to hold my hand. I jumped as her finger entangled with mine. It felt like there were electric shocks running up my arm and over my whole body. And I mean electric shocks in a good way. I felt my heart pounding.

"No, I'd love to," she said firmly. I grinned like a Cheshire cat. And then that bloody waitress interrupted us for the second time. She looked icily at our entangled hands and I hastily pulled away. She charged us for our coffee and then walked off.

"Told you. So checking you out," Ashley said again.

"Shut up, Ash." Oh my God. I can't believe I just told her to shut up. But she just looked at me, apologising as she sipped at her coffee. Then I was pulled out of my thought by a loud beep. Ashley quickly pulled what looked like a brand new iPhone out of her pocket and looked at it.

"Oh crap," she swore at the phone, "I'm supposed to be somewhere, like, 30 minutes ago."

"Oh, okay," I said sadly.

Then she pulled out a pen from her pocket and leaned across the table to write on my hand.

"I really got to go. But here's my number. Call me sometime."

And then she was gone, almost as quickly as she arrived. I looked down at my hand. On it was written:

Ash – 07653563528

And I was left staring at the wonky love heart drawn on my hand, sipping my coffee and dreaming of Ashley. Going through every second of our unreal conversation and imaging getting lost in those beautiful brown eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was the day after my surreal coffee shop encounter with the one and only Ashley Davies. Her number was still written on my hand, along with the hand drawn heart. Yes, it's bad. But I couldn't just wash it off. So instead I was sitting here umm-ing and ahh-ing about whether to call her or not. I wanted too. I mean, I really wanted too. It had taken everything I had just to hold off this long. I was desperate to hear her perfect voice again. But I didn't want to be weird and clingy. And I certainly didn't want her to think I was stalking her or anything. I'd spent the majority of last night searching her on the internet again. I was obsessed with her. I was addicted to the angel that was Ashley.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous; I'm just going to call her. I grabbed my phone from the side and quickly dialed the number before I had time to change mind. But I instantly regretted it. A thousand reasons flew through my mind why this was a bad idea. What if it isn't her real number? What if she'd forgotten she'd given it to me? What if she didn't really want me to call?

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello?"

Oh My God. That was her voice. Her beautiful, breath-taking voice. I didn't know what to say.

"Hello?" Ashley's voice repeated, more irritated than before.

"I know you're there. I can hear you breathing." She was really angry now. Oh well, here goes nothing.

"Hi," I whispered timidly into the phone, wondering if she'd recognise my voice.

She did.

"Oh my God, Spencer," she gushed down the phone. Then she seemed to compose herself.

"So, how you been since the coffee shop episode? Run into any more celebrities recently?" She chucked to herself and I laughed along nervously, unsure of what to say.

"No, just you," I answered quietly, trying not to give away in my voice how much I wanted her.

There was an awkward pause of silence in which I listened to the sound of her breathing. God, even that sounded beautiful.

"So, um, when do you, um, want to do that thing?' she spoke quietly, almost as if she were nervous. But Ashley Davies was never nervous. Not ever.

"What thing?" I replied, having no clue what she was talking about.

"You know, that thing that you made me agree to do for school. What have you forgotten?" she said sarcastically. I winced. How had she gone from being nice and nervous to downright bitch? And in the space of like, ten seconds. I didn't understand this girl. She made no sense but there was something about her that meant I just couldn't look away.

"I don't know." Not wanting to make her angry again. 'Whenever you're free."

'Well, I'm free right now," she said suggestively, back to being nice and somewhat cheeky. The Ashley I'd fallen in love with. Wait, what was I saying? I'd only known her a couple of days. She barely even knew me and even if she did it's not like she'd ever like me. She dates models and actresses. Not struggling college students.

"Um…well, I'm free too," I said hesitantly.

"Great" she exclaimed loudly. 'Meet you at the coffee shop in 20 minutes."

"Wait. What?" I yelled down what now was an empty line. All that answered me was a dull beep. I put the phone down reluctantly. I should have been angry. I mean, she didn't even tell me what coffee shop. But of course I knew which one she meant. And I couldn't be angry at her; she was charming in a stuck up diva kind of way. But there was also something else, a softer side of her. I'd only seen it a few times but I liked it. I sensed it was side that she kept hidden from the rest of the world. But I had seen it and that made me feel special. Even though I knew I had no right to.

But as I changed out of my old jeans and into my favourite dress – a flowered one with a fancy crisscross pattern at the front with my pair of matching blue pumps, I had to keep telling myself it shouldn't matter what I wore because it wasn't a date. My heart was beating too fast to be told what to do by my head. And all my heart was thinking was that I'm going out with Ashley Davies. And nothing could convince me otherwise.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I nervously pushed open the door to the familiar coffee shop. Pausing a moment before stepping inside. Quickly my eyes scanned the shop before finally settling on that booth – the one where I had first met her - to see Ashley waving at me madly. I smiled. Just when you think you have Ashley Davies all figured out, she goes and does something that you totally didn't expect. This smiling and waving girl was nothing like the sarcastic girl on the phone.

"Spencer," she yelled at me loudly. Then looked around cautiously as if realising she was supposed to being inconspicuous. But as I'm sure that as the whole world will tell you, Ashley Davies is as about as inconspicuous as a tap dancing pink elephant. She was wearing her usual disguise consisting of her favourite beanie hat and impossibly big sunglasses that covered the majority of her beautiful face. Now when I say 'usual' I am basing this on the one other time that I have seen her in it. God, she looks good in those jeans. Okay, seriously Spencer Carlin, get a grip.

I took a deep breath, got myself together and strolled towards a smiling Ashley.

"Hi," I said awkwardly as I held out my hand. Then I instantly felt like hitting myself. In the head. With a brick. I mean, who shakes someone's hand?

But Ashley had other ideas. She grabbed my hand and suddenly pulled me into her arms. I melted into her. God, her hair smelt so good. I didn't want to ever let go.

"Um. Spencer," she whispered somewhere in the distant back of my mind.

"Spencer," she said more loudly.

"Um. Hum," I said, snuggling into her shoulder.

"Spence, you might wanna let go now."

Oh right. I was still hugging her. I hurriedly let go of her. I grinned sheepishly at her, trying to read her facial expression. God, she properly thinks I'm a total moron now. My self-doubt was in overdrive.

But she looked amused, even perhaps a little too happy. I mean, I didn't want her to think that I had a crush on her or anything. Did I? No I didn't. I mean, I appreciated her beauty but that was totally normal. Wasn't it?

"Sorry, I kind of zoned out there, Ash" I said apologetically as I slid into the booth.

"S'okay," she said, grinning. As she slid into the booth opposite me, I instantly felt a pang – wishing that she'd sat down next to me. I wanted to feel that closeness again. I wanted her close to me. STOP, STOP. STOP. She's a girl. You can't think of her in that way. Think of what your mother would say.

"I got you some coffee," Ashley motioned to the cup of coffee sitting in front of me.

"Oh thanks," I said, still recovering from the hugging incident.

"So, we going to do this thing or what?" she said sarcastically but still in a good-natured sort of way.

"Sure thing, Ash," I said, getting my camera out. "So first off just introduce yourself and tell me a bit about you," I said in a formal kind of way. Trying to keep things professional as possible, in the hope that it would calm my pounding heart.

"It's not like anyone's not going to know who I am, is it?' she said cockily. God, she could be like that sometimes. But of course, it just made me like her even more.

"Just do it," I said laughingly at her.

"Whatever you say, Spence," she said, looking at the camera as I flicked it onto record.

"My name is Ashley Davies," she said to the camera, trying desperately to be serious for me. "I'm a singer/songwriter who lives in LA," she said again, still in her serious voice. "But then again, you already knew that, didn't you?" she grinned cheekily at me as I shook my head in mock despair. She just couldn't resist, could she?

But then I saw a brief flash of worry pass over her face. "Um, I," she faltered. "I like singing," then her smile returned as if she'd just thought of something. "Obviously," she grinned again. "I live in a flat in LA with my sister and manager Kayla and her boyfriend and my best friend Aiden, who plays basketball professionally." Those words came easily and I sensed that it was far easier for her to talk about other people than herself. Or God forbid – feelings. But feelings were what I needed for my project.

But I also needed to start off easy, so I thought asking her some simple questions as she was now staring blankly at the camera.

"So where did you go to school, Ash?" I prompted helpfully as Ashley looked relieved that I had not asked her anything remotely personal.

"I went to school in several boarding schools outside LA. I got kicked out of them a lot. They just didn't seem to appreciate my amazing talent," she said in her usual confident sarcasm.

"So why didn't you go to school in LA?"

Ash shifted uncomfortably at this.

"Um, I dunno," she replied evasively. But after a prompting stare from me, she answered;

"Eh, well my dad was on the road a lot and I never really got on with my mom or any of her husbands." She tried to make a joke but I had seen that tear roll down her cheek. This just made me want to take her into my arms and tell her everything was alright. But this was good for my project and it was due in like a month's time. Plus, I didn't want her to think anything of it. So I pretended to not have seen the tears.

"So you said that Aiden was your best friend. How did you meet?"

"Well actually we went to the same school before my mum got fed up with me and booted me off to boarding school. When I moved away we stayed in touch and then when I found out about Kayla, I introduced them. It was love at first sight." She grinned wistfully.

"So, did you enjoy school, Ash?" I already knew the answer to it but I asked anyway.

"No. I hated it. I barely ever went to class. That's why I got my GED. I'm more of an independent learner, me. Plus, it's awkward sharing a room with a bunch of girls when they know that you're gay. I hated it." She looked genuinely sad at the memory of her boarding school days and it didn't surprise me. I was beginning to understand why Ashley was the way she was.

"So how was it? Coping with coming out in that sort of environment," I was hesitant asking this question as I knew it would probably either upset her or anger her.

"Uh, well it was hard," Ash looked ready to cry so I reached out to hold her hand in what I hoped was a comforting sort of way. She looked at me gratefully.

"Everyone used to call me names and everyone thought that it didn't hurt me. But it did. A lot. I was angry all the time, at everyone and everything. I hated myself. Then I got my first record contact and suddenly everyone loved me despite knowing what I was. And it really helped me. A lot of people think that I became a bitch when I got famous but I was a bitch long before that. I just hate myself less now," I was surprised, this was pure and honest Ashley. All of her bravado had been stripped away.

"So what was your parent's reaction?"

"Well my dad was really supportive. He said I was still his little girl no matter who I liked. But then he went and died on me. My mum was less enthusiastic. I was always bringing random girls home when I was home from school and she just looked at me like I was a huge disappointment." I heard her draw a deep breath in at this. "She really hated me." I saw the first tear roll down her cheek. "She still hates me." She was really crying now and I stroked her hand that I was holding.

"It okay to cry, Ash."

"No. It's not," she yelled angrily at me, snatching her hand away. "It's not okay. None of it's okay." She stood up waving her arms madly. "Why is everyone so concerned with trying to get to know 'The real Ashley Davies'? This is me, okay? Plain and simple. I have no inner depths, Spencer. I really am this much of a bitch." I was sitting there in complete shock. I stood up also.

"I'm really sorry. Ash-"

But she cut me off.

"Reporters are all the same. They only care about their precious story. And they don't care who they hurt along the way." With that she stormed out of the shop and I was left apologising to empty air. It seemed that once again I had been left in the same coffee booth wondering what had just happened and wishing that it would happen all over again.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I was sitting in my bedroom the following Saturday. It had been over a week and I still had not heard from Ashley let alone seen her. I was miserable and lonely and so I was watching the video I had made of her for my project for at least the 5th time this week. What? It wasn't my fault her eyes were completely and utterly perfect. And I just couldn't stop staring into them. Reliving that perfect moment in the coffee shop – me and her holding hands across the table, gazing into each others eyes…

Then there was Ashley's massive explosion sparked off be my exceedingly stupid questions. Followed by me mumbling apologises like a bumbling idiot.

Ring Ring

My heart leapt again at the sound of my phone ringing, just at the one off chance that it could be Ashley. I picked up the phone quickly before looking at the user id. Stupid idea.

'Hello'

My heart leapt again at the sound of her golden voice. God I swear this girl was going to give me a heart attack one day. I smiled dumbly into the phone. Dam what was it with this girl that made me act like a love struck teenager. O K I was a love struck teenager. BUT. Moving on.

'Hi is this Spencer'

Oh crap. I totally just forget to actually speak.

'Hi' I said wondering what mood she was going to be in today.

'Look I'm ready sorry Spence'

I waited for further explanation. I got the feeling that Ashley Davies didn't apologise that often. So I planned to make the most of it.

'About the other week…'

'In the coffee shop…'

'Look I'm really, really sorry'

I loved the earnestness of her voice.

'Okay, Okay I forgive you'

'I really don't do apologising'

'I guessed as much'

'So I was thinking do you want to meet up sometime?'

'When?' I said biting my lip from trying to keep myself from sounding too enthusiastic.

'You free now?' Okay this girl must actually think I have no social life. Which thinking about it is a pretty accurate assumption.

'Yeh sure' I said cringing into the phone at my over enthusiasm.

'Okay meet me at my house in 20 minutes' She said quickly.

'Ash' I yelled fearing she was going to hang up on me again .

'What' She said irritated.

'I don't actually know where you house is'

'Oh right' She said sheepishly. 'Its the penthouse, Huntington House, Temperly Hills, LA, California, USA, the world, the solar system, the universe'

'Okay, Okay I get the idea you don't have to be so sarcastic about it'

'Sorry' She said again sarcastically.

'But um, Ash' I said nervously not wanting to think I was imposing or anything.

'Yes, Spence'

'I don't exactly have a car'

'Oh don't worry ill come pick you up'

'Just a sec Ash, you don't know where I live'

'Okay good point'

There was an awkward pause.

'Well are you going to tell me where you live or not?'

'Oh right yeh' I said embarrassed.

'I live in apartment 28, Heston Flats, Downtown LA.'

'California, USA, the world, the solar system, the universe' Ash finished. And we both laughed into the phone. I couldn't believe how relaxed I was with her and I hardly knew her. Yet I felt like I had known her for ages. It was weird. It usually took me for ages to open up to people.

'So say ill pick you up in like 15 minutes then'

'Yeh see you later'

There was an awkward moment when both of us seemed unwillingly to put the phone down, hang up and end the conversation. But perhaps she just didn't want to appear rude.

'Okay bye then' I said awkwardly as I put the phone down. Not wanting her to think I was utterly incapable of hanging up a phone.

I just sat there for a moment staring. Ashley Davies was coming here. I was going to Ashley Davies place. I grinned happily doing a strange jig around the room. Ok this news was just too big to be contained. I had to tell someone. And by someone I meant Chelsea. So of coarse in my normal and dignified manner. I ran out of the room yelling Chelsea's name. I skidded to halt at the sight of Chelsea making out with my brother Clay on the living room couch. Ok that is one memory that I will never be able to remove from my brain.

'Oh hi, Spencer' my brother quickly detangled himself from Chelsea who was now glowing bright red and rather resembled a tomato.

'So you wanted me, Spencer' a rather embarrassed Chelsea prompted.

And just like that my brain quickly switched back to more import subject matter – Ashley Davies.

'Okay Chelsea you're never going to guess where I'm going?' I squeaked excitedly while Chelsea and clay looked at me with a mixture of worry and intrigue.

'Okay where are you going?' Clay asked playing my game. Knowing it was the easiest way to get me to calm down and shut up.

'I'm going…' I paused dramatically, 'to Ashley Davies' house' this was quickly followed up by a particularly loud high-pitched squeal. Chelsea and Clay were now staring at me with shock and disbelief written on their faces.

Seeing the disbelief on their faces. I told them earnestly; 'No really I swear' I then preceded to tell them the incredibly complex and only slightly unbelievable story of how we met.

'…And she said she'd be here to pick me up in like 1o minutes' Clay and Chelsea were still staring at me blankly. Just then the buzzer sounded and I rushed over to answer it and sure enough I heard Ashley's voice on the other end.

'Hey is that Spencer

'Yes Ash, its me'

'So can you buzz me up then?'

'Sure thing' I said, staring dreamily into the speaker while pressing the button to let her up. Then I suddenly realised.

'Crap I haven't got changed yet' and ran frantically back past Clay and Chelsea who now exchanged knowing looks. I'd sure like to know what that was about.

'Stall her would you' I yelled back at them.

'Wait Spencer' Chelsea yelled back at me. 'Hey Spencer what are we supposed to do?' Clay joined in.

I popped my head around the door. 'Just stall her Ok.' It really shouldn't be that hard. Chelsea can talk the hind leg of a ruddy donkey. Ok. Focus Spencer. Find an outfit an outfit that's sexy but doesn't look like you're trying to hard. Shouldn't be too difficult, I thought sarcastically whilst rifling though my closet sending clothes flying everywhere. In the end I settled on a pair of plain tight black skinny jeans and a low cut blue top, topped of with my favourite silver pumps. Satisfied that I was not going to look any better than this no matter how many hours I spent in front of the mirror. So with that thought I strolled out of my bedroom in what I hoped was a confident manner and walked straight into the arms of Ashley Davies.

To be continued…


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

…I walked straight into the arms of Ashley Davies. Flustered, I instantly pulled away from her, feeling embarrassed. Hoping she wouldn't notice my flushed cheeks.

"Hi Ashley," I said awkwardly as she surveyed my body with hungry looks.

"Hey, Spence, I was just going to come look for you," she said in her usual loud confident tone. "You ready?" she said, turning away from me. God, she looked gorgeous today in her extremely short skirt and midriff baring top. But then again, Ash would look great in anything she wore, or anything that she didn't wear. Oh dear, here I go again, I thought but this time I was not more disturbed by my thoughts, or rather my feelings, for Ashley than I usually was.

"Yeah, sure thing," I replied, shaking off my deep trail of thought.

"You say 'sure thing' a lot," she remarked as we walked back into the living room. Chelsea and Clay immediately stopped talking as we walked back into the living room. Making me wonder what they were talking about.

"You look nice," Chelsea said. But she wasn't looking at me when she said it. Instead she was giving Clay another meaningful look. Seriously, what was up with those two?

"So, we are going now then," I queried suspiciously. They were behaving way too sane in front of a major celebrity. But then again, they'd never been as obsessed with her like I was. Chelsea was always into her strange old country music and Clay didn't really listen to music. At all, really. Plus he didn't really read gossip magazines. Clay was all about the newspapers.

"Bye, then," I cautiously said to them.

"Nice meeting you, Chelsea and Clay, of course," Ashley said politely. Actually, come to mention it, what was up with her? Ashley usually had the manners of a feral wolf. An extremely cute wolf but a wolf all the same. It was official the whole world was behaving weirdly, well, my world anyway.

We walked in an awkward silence downstairs back to her car. I tried to start a conversation a few times but the words were on the tip of my tongue and stayed there. So in silence we stayed.

It was only when we reached the car park and Ashley motioned to the bright red convertible sitting there, that I couldn't help talking.

"Oh, my God, is that your car?" I exclaimed rather loudly.

Ashley smiled at me and replied with a nonchalant 'yeah'. This only made me more embarrassed.

"That is probably the most expensive looking car I've ever seen. How much did it cost?" I instantly regretted this as I realised how stupid and money orientated it sounded.

Ashley shrugged as a response and quickly changed the subject.

"So are you going to get in the car or not?"

"Sure thing," came my reply.

"You really do say sure thing a lot," Ash observed. Again.

"I dunno. I just do."

"Okay, calm down Spence. I wasn't demanding an explanation." I blushed at the use of my nickname as I felt my cheeks grow hot with something other than embarrassment.

Ashley pulled out of the crowded car park and I smiled at the feeling of the wind hitting my face. Ashley turned to look at me, watching my simple enjoyment of the car ride.

"Ash," I said quietly.

"Yes," she replied, still looking at me.

"Might wanna keep your eyes on the road."

"Oh, right," and now it was her turn to blush as I intently watched the red creep into her cheeks while she focused on her driving. She quickly reached over to turn the radio on. It always amazes me how she loves to be the centre of attention all the time. Yet she still gets self-conscious sometimes. I loved that about her.

One of Ashley's songs comes on and I immediately started singing along. Incredibly badly, of course. Ashley laughed at me good naturedly, shaking her head at my tuneless singing voice.

But after a glare from me, she quickly stopped laughing at me and started to quietly sing along. She sang so beautifully, I had to stop myself from gasping out loud. I had been to a few of her concerts- and by a few I mean a lot, but this was raw and pure and completely perfect. It was like nothing I'd ever heard before. The song playing was one of the few slow songs that Ash had done and with her singing along it was just about the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. It was so... I couldn't even think of a word to describe it. Thankfully I didn't have to.

Ashley had noticed me staring at her open mouthed and smiled at me, embarrassed. I looked away for a moment, feeling her eyes on me, and noticed we were in the more upper class part of LA that I had little occasion to visit.

"Are we nearly there yet?" I enquired, just wanting to break the awkward moment between us, not realising I sounded like a petulant child.

Ashley laughed.

"You sound like a little kid, Spence. But yes we are."

And in just a few more moments we were. Ashley pulled up at a huge grand looking building. But I had learned my lesson and faked nonchalance as I followed Ashley. We walked into a hallway that looked more like a fancy hotel lobby to me. I continued to follow as Ashley strode confidently into the elevator and motioned for me to follow. So I did. I was still in awe of the whole place when she inserted her key into the elevator and we rose in silence to the penthouse apartment.

Then we were in her apartment, which was beautifully furnished, but by now I wasn't paying much attention to the room. I had spent the whole ride up staring at her lips and wondering what it would be like to kiss them. But most worryingly I was pretty sure that she had seen me staring at her.

Ashley twirled around the room, "Welcome to my humble abode."

"Humble, my ass."

"Language, Spencer Carlin," Ash teased, whilst grabbing my arm and leading me to the sofa.

"So do you want a drink Spence?"

I smiled formulating my reply.

"Sure thing."

Ash grinned.

"What do you want?" she said leaning over the pretend bar in the corner of the room, revealing more of herself than she meant to. Or maybe she did mean to.

"What have you got?" I replied flirtatiously.

"Anything you like," Ashley replied, flirting back.

"Some Coke please, Ash," I said, ruining our interlude and leaving Ashley looking just a bit disappointed. As she poured me a drink followed by one for herself, she seemed somewhat subdued as she sat down next to me. Close. But not close enough to touch.

"So are you going to do this interview thing, or not?" Ash questioned, irritable. I flinched at her harsh tone. And reluctantly pulled my camcorder from my bag.

"Sure," I said, turning my camcorder on. "And remember, I want to get to know the real Ashley Davies. The person that you are not the person everyone else sees. I want the Real You."

Ashley seemed more than a little disturbed by this suggestion.

"Okay," she eyed me suspiciously.

"So, first question," I picked an easy one this time, not wanting her to get scared and run again. "When did you first realise that you wanted to be a singer?"

"I dunno. I guess I have always liked music and my dad was in the industry and so I just followed in his footsteps," Ashley spoke this confidently and looked rather pleased with her answer. I sensed that this was a well-practised and learnt answer but that wasn't what I wanted. So of course, in true professional journalism style – I glared at her until she continued talking.

She continued reluctantly, "I guess singing was the only place that I truly felt safe. Like I could be myself, you know? Like I belonged somewhere."

I smiled at Ash. And reached out to hold her hand, like I had before. It was sort of impulsive and totally unprofessional. But I just really wanted to hold her.

But instead I pulled my hand away and watched as Ashley looked at me, hurt, before wiping her face of all emotion. Stay professional, my brain said. But all my heart was saying was screw professional, just kiss her already.

So anyway, next question, "So do you have any inspiration, in terms of other artists, I mean, Ash?"

Ashley grinned again. I wasn't sure if it was because I had called her Ash or for some other reason.

"Well, my dad obviously was a big inspiration for me growing up," and then I thought I saw her eyes well up at the mention of her father, but perhaps it was just the light. "I mean, he was never around much - my dad. I'd probably only seen him a couple of time since I was five. When he left. But he always believed in music and I guess that he passed that onto me." She looked around, searching for the right words to say. "He believed that music could change the world." She laughed sadly, "That music was the most powerful thing that existed, second only to love." I could really see tears glistening in her eyes now. So against my better judgement I reached across to hold her hand again. I couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain. Seeing her hurting, it hurt me.

"We can stop now if you want." I needed more for my project but I didn't really care about that anymore. All I cared about was her. Plus, I knew that the end of my project marked the end of my friendship with Ashley. Was friendship the right word? Were we friends?

Ashley nodded gratefully and watched as I turned off the camcorder, subtly trying to wipe the tears from her face.

We sat there for a while talking about unimportant things and enjoying each other's eyes. I don't remember what we talked about, like I said, the topic wasn't important. What was important was her.

We joked and chatted. Our laughter hiding the more important and confusing fact that our hands were still intertwined. Pretending that we were just friends, but we weren't even that. I was just a girl, an ordinary, plain girl. Who was in love with one of the greatest singers of all time. I was just a girl, one of many, who so happened to have fallen in love with Ashley Davies.

It was this fact that I knew for certain as I felt pain in my heart as she dropped me back outside my flat and drove away. I ached that I could no longer pretend that it was something it wasn't. And perhaps I imagined it but as she kissed me goodnight, her lips lingered on my cheek a few seconds too long. Because some silly romantic part of me knew that deep down she loved me too.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

And so that was how Ash and I spent the next few weeks. As our friendship grew we became closer, revealing more of our secrets. But never _that _secret. The unanswered question. Why, when there was a whole sofa to sit on, did we choose to sit practically on top of each other? Why, like teenage girls still in high school, did we have sleepovers where we did nothing more than talk and watch rom-coms?

It was strange how close we had become. I'd never had a best friend before, not even in grade school. I had always been quiet and shy, over shadowed by my brothers – by Clay's intelligence and Glen's popularity. The people I had always hung around with had been friends more by default than anything else.

It had been easier back in Ohio, or perhaps it had just been because I was younger. No one there had ever seemed to care about clothes or fashion. I hadn't been the weird loner girl. I had just been a girl. Of course there was Chelsea, the closest I had to a real friend. But she was my brother's girlfriend, and it always felt like I was the third wheel.

But enough with the useless waffle over what could have been. Back to Ashley. Our friendship which had started with a bribe and a school project. Which had quickly developed into something more. I had barely ever brought my camera to our meetings anymore. I no longer cared about trying to capture the real Ashley on camera. Because I had already got to know the real Ashley Davies. And somewhere along the way I had fallen deeply and utterly in love with her.

It sounds strange I know. I've only known her a little under a month but it just feels so right. When I am with her, I can be myself.

I can't remember the first moment I knew that I loved her. That I _really_ loved her. Perhaps it was the first moment I saw her arguing in the restaurant? Perhaps it was the first time she introduced me to Kayla and Aiden? Or was it the first time she called me Spence? I don't know.

But as I lay on my bed daydreaming and thinking I knew that I couldn't deny my feelings for her anymore, I also knew that there was a part of me that was scared of what that meant. What it meant about me. It was one thing to have a crush on another girl but to do anything about it? That was a big step that I wasn't quite ready to take. I wasn't ready to tell anyone.

And then there was that image of my mother in my mind. My mother. I wasn't ready to lose her. I couldn't. And I knew that whatever this was, if I told her she would hate me. That I knew for certain. And I wasn't ready for someone to hate me. I couldn't bear to have people judging me, hating me. I just couldn't. I wasn't that strong. Not like Ashley.

_Ring. Ring._

Was that the phone? I sat up wearily brushing away the beginnings of tears forming in my eyes. I quickly answered the phone.

"Spencer?" I heard her voice and it instantly lifted my spirits.

"Ashley," I gushed, so happy to hear her voice, making me forget all my previous thoughts and problems.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just bored." Okay, this was a bit of a lie. But I could hardly explain to her that I was down because I was totally in love with her and I knew that my mother would never accept it. Or more to the point, accept _me_.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight. Kayla and Aiden are out. I've got the new X-men movie on DVD. And popcorn. Lots of popcorn." She didn't need to continue, she had me at me at 'come over'.

"But I thought that movie wasn't out for a while yet. Not for like a month," I queried suspiciously.

"Well, that's because it's not."

"Ashley," I playfully reprimanded.

"Look, I know someone who worked on the movie."

"Ashley." I knew this wasn't the whole truth.

"Okay, my dad was friends with the producer and he got me a copy. Okay," she yelled. I laughed.

"That's all you had to say, Ash." She always knew someone. Or more accurately everyone.

"So be at my house for about 6-ish, Spence."

"Sure thing, Ash," I replied in my usual manner before reluctantly hanging up the phone. I lay back down on my bed happily. I began daydreaming again – though this time it was just me and Ash. It didn't ever cross my mind that tonight was any different to any other night we had hung out. But perhaps somewhere in my subconscious I knew that our feelings had been building up for some time and sooner or later they had to explode.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks again for all the reviews. Please keep reading and reviewing.

-xxx-

Chapter 9

I was standing outside my apartment waiting for Ashley to arrive. I shivered I wasn't dressed for the cold outside. Wearing only a pair of skinny jeans and thin cardigan. I really hoped Ash got here soon.

And, talk of the devil, Ashley smoothly pulls up in her convertible still wearing a cut off top like always despite the freezing weather. I smiled and waved at her dumbly. She smiled and motioned for me to get in the car and I gratefully climbed in. I stared into her eyes for the briefest of moments before quickly looking away. She focused her eyes on the road and pulled – I tried to stare out the window but Ash was fare more interesting than oddly shaped houses.

'So how's collage' Ashley enquired trying to start up a conversation sensing the tension in the air.

'Yeh it's been allright' I shrugged 'got another essay to write though'

'I don't do essays' I laughed at Ashley's reply.

'Why does that not surprise me? Ash'

'What can I say – you know me too well, Spence'

And it was true I did too well. Better than I knew myself even. She was Ashley after all. Pure perfection. We continued with our light hearted banter until we reached her house. I tried to ignore the flirty comments and innuendos. But some silly disobedient part of me kept flirting back despite my head knowing that it was a bad idea.

'So you coming in then'

Oh crap I was still sitting in the car. Nice one Spencer Carlin. I quickly removed myself from the car and followed Ash to the front door, letting out one or two unwanted shivers on the way. Ash grabbed my hand with a cheeky grin and led me to the kitchen.

'Oh my god Spence you're freezing' She immediately pulled me into a tight hug in an attempt to warm me up. I certainly wasn't complaining. We melted into each other – my hand around her waist – my fingers unknowingly drawing patterns on her bare skin. I felt like I could stay here forever.

'Don't worry you'll soon warm up once we get snug in my bed'

'Yeh' I groaned into her. Wait. What. Did she just say her bed? I pulled away and frowned at her disapprovingly.

'What' She said all innocent like.

'Your bed'

'Yeh. What about it?'

'What's wrong with the couch?'

'It's cold. Besides it's already all set up' she gave me a pleading look. I gave in.

'Fine' it was impossible to say no to those gorgeous eyes. I heard a faint bleep and Ash turned around detangling her hands from mine. Great. I dint even notice we were still holding hands. And now were going to go 'snuggle' in her bed. This night is not going to end well.

I looked up to notice Ashley pulling a humongous bag of popcorn from her equally humongous microwave. 'When had she put that in?'

'While you were too busy staring at my ass?' Oh crap did I say that out loud? Wait did she just say I was staring at her ass. Coz I totally wasn't. Okay I was but that wasn't the point.

'No I wasn't' I hastily replied but I knew I wasn't convincing anyone least of all me. But Ash just grinned in response and I knew she knew different.

'So what do you want to drink, Spence?'

'Just a Coke please, Ash'

'You are such a kid Spencer' Ashley laughed pulling out an Coke for me from her fridge followed by one for herself.

'Yeh and you love it' Seriously where did that come from? And I could tell from the look on Ashley's face that she was just as surprised as I was.

'You know I do' She replied huskily staring intently into my eyes. I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze surprised by the heaviness of the moment. But soon Ash looked away seeming tense before quickly plastering a goofy smile back on her face.

'Come on. Lets go to bed' Okay didn't think that I would ever be hearing those words come out of Ashley's mouth anywhere besides my dreams. I groaned as she grabbed my arm and lead me upstairs to her bedroom. What have I done?

I meekly allowed myself to be dragged to her bedroom and watched as climbed into her huge king size bed and motioned for me to follow. And follow her I did feeling like I was making one of the biggest decisions of my life. I climbed in beside her under the covers. Ashley stared at me smiling and biting her lip. I stared back. Desperately trying to look away from those mesmerising eyes. But at last I did.

'So are we going to watch this movie or not then?' I said harshly without meaning to. I was scared of what I was feeling so I took it out on her. Though I instantly regretted it when she looked away hurt and without a word started the movie. I tried to concentrate on the large plasma screen in front of me but all I could of was that I had upset Ashley. Unknowingly I moved closer to her, feeling our bodies touch and an electrifying spark run through my body at the close physical contact. I wonder, did she feel it too?

I managed to semi concentrate for the rest of the movie but near the end just when Charles was kissing that CIA agent on screen. I knew that I wanted her. I knew that in that moment I didn't care what anyone else thought. I had to know, did she want me too?

I turned to face her, intuitively moving our already close bodies, closer together.

'Ash' I whispered to her.

'Yeh, Spence' she turned to look at me and I was overcome by her beauty.

'I'm sorry' she looked at me puzzled but did not speak. I leaned closer. Well this is it. It's now or never. I leaned in closer still, our lips practically touching. I tried to read her eyes tell what she was thinking. Thankfully I didn't have to. She tentatively touched her lips to mine before pulling back looking worried. But I was backing out now. I hungrily attacked her lips with a passion that surprised even me. Her lips meeting with equal passion. Our lips mashed together. Our tongues entertained. My fingers buried in Ashley hair. Finally we had to pull away, flushed from the lack of oxygen.

I stared at her. Hoping that it meant as much to her as it did to me. She smiled at me.

'I've wanted to do that for so long, Spence'

'Really' I was surprised at her confession.

'Don't sound so surprised. You're beautiful'

This was so unlike Ashley, to be serious. This was how I knew that she meant it. She wanted me back. I felt the overwhelming urge to kiss her again. So I did. Our lips meeting for the third time. I reached up to frame her face with my hands. Her hands travelling down my back pressing us closer together. I felt her breasts press against my own. Restrained by our amount of clothing. I felt Ashley's hand trail across my stomach lighting a fire deep inside me. I groaned loudly no longer trying to contain myself. Moaning into her lips. My hands more adventures now moved down to her chest. Cupping her breasts though the thin material that was her shirt. Inciting a loud moan from Ashley. Encouraged I moved my hand underneath her shirt and under her bra. Feeling the softness of them and drawing yet another loud moan from Ashley. I was so engrossed with what we were doing that I didn't hear the front door open.

'Hey Ashley. Are you in here?' I heard the bedroom door open and frantically pushed Ashley off of me. But it was too late. The damage had been done. I looked up to find a shocked Kayla standing there. My face burning red with embarrassment.

'Oh my God. Were you…' She stared at our flushed faces and her mouth broke into a large grin.

'I knew it' She grinned excitedly while I wished a hole in the ground would swallow me up.

'Hey Kayla get out of here' Ashley jokingly though a pillow at her head before turning to smile at me.

'Now where were we?' Ashley moved closer to me but I pushed her away.

'What's wrong, Spence' She asked concerned

'Don't call me that.' I stood up angrily beginning to walk off.

'Spence wait' Ashley called after me.

I turned around to face her. 'You don't get it. Do you? This was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened.' I was crying now stumbling madly away through my tears. Leaving Ashley helplessly standing there. 'It shouldn't have happened. It's wrong. It's a sin. It shouldn't have happened.' I was repeating myself now as flung my self out of her apartment not looking back at Ashley's wounded face. I ran down the stairs trying desperately to remove the memory of Ashley kissing me from my mind. I half stumbled half ran. Not caring who saw me. I continued running once I was out into the street not sure where I was going, not really caring. Before finally collapsing somewhere on a street corner. I hugged my knees. Frantically trying to stop the ever increasing tears.

I could hardly believe the last hour had really happened. It all seemed so surreal. I couldn't believe that she'd kissed me. But more importunately I couldn't believe I had kissed her back.

I stayed there for a few minutes shivering in the cold wondering how I was going to get home. Reliving the nightmare again and again. Before finally calling the one person that I knew would ask no questions. The one person I could truly trust.

'Clay' I whispered.

'Can you come and get me?'


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry its really short but ive been really busy.

And yes i sort of stole the 'it's all that matters' bit from Imagine me and you. But it is a really good movie. so.

-xxx-

Chapter 10

I so embarrassed and upset and not even Chelsea and Clay could clam me down. I knew that would I'd done – kissing Ashley. It was something I couldn't take back not ever. And the worst part was that I didn't regret. I couldn't regret because I knew if the chance came, id do it all over again. So I, in my eternal wisdom, thought the best way to deal with it was stop curl up under my duvet crying my eyes and refusing to answer any of very concerned Clay and Chelsea's questions.

'Come on Spencer; just tell us what's wrong.' That was Clay.

'Yeh we can't help if we don't know what it is.' That was Chelsea backing him up.

'Was it Ashley?'

Suddenly I was sick of their questions. I couldn't keep it inside me any longer.

'I kissed her. Okay?' I screamed at them tears streaming down my face. Only to have Chelsea yell 'I knew it' which only earned disapproving looks from Clay.

'Well did you like?' Clay questioned gently.

'Well Yeh' I admitted because I had liked it. I liked it more than I ever thought was possible. It had felt right. Not wrong like my mother had always told me it was.

'And do you like her?' Clay asked again in his gentle voice.

'Yeh so much, Clay. But it doesn't matter'

'Oh Spencer it's all that matters'

'Really?' I whispered weakly. Was he right? Was it all that mattered?

'Of course' Chelsea spoke up. 'Love is love'

'Whether it's with a girl and a boy. A boy and a boy. Or a girl and girl.' Clay finished Chelsea sentence. Were they right? It seemed the way I felt about Ash couldn't be wrong. When I was around her I felt happy. When I was in her arms I felt safe like no one could hurt me. She made me feel special, important. It was something I'd never really felt before. When I kissed her it felt magical. It sounds sappy but it's true. It was so unlike all those church boys my mum had set me up with. When they leaned in for a goodnight kiss I always pulled away. Id never wanted them to kiss me and I d never wanted to kiss them. I when they succeeded in assaulting my mouth with their stringy tongues I'd never felt anything. Nothing good at least. But with Ashley it had felt real and so good. It was what I had been waiting for my whole life.

But then an awful realisation came into my mind.

'What about mum?'

'Look Spencer if she really loves you then she love you no matter what.' I smiled weakly at Chelsea's blind optimism but I knew Clay would know better.

'And even if she doesn't then you've still got us' Clay put his arm over Chelsea and smiled at me and I gave a feeble attempt at smiling back.

'And dad. Im sure he wouldn't care.' Clay said confidently.

'That's if he doesn't already know' I laughed at that. 'I mean you've hardly been subtitle. I mean you like didn't date in high school. Like at all. For the rest of us our hormones were driving us crazy. But not you' Clay was now shaking his head at her lovingly. 'I mean Clay and me have had our suspicions for years'

'Really. Why didn't you tell me?' I play punched my brother on the arm though I was a little surprised. I had no clue that they knew. I mean I didn't even know.

Clay held up his hands in mock protest. 'Hey I was just waiting for you to tell me.'

'Well you might have been waiting for quite a bit longer if it wasn't for little miss Ashley Davies' Chelsea just couldn't resist joining in.

'Yeh I know thank God'

'Hey guys this isn't gang up on Spencer day'

'Seriously though Spence are you gonna be ok' Clay asked concerned wanting to make sure I was ok.

'Yeh I think I'm going to be allright' and I meant it as I watched Clay and Chelsea walk out of the room hand in hand. I knew it wasn't going be easy with me and Ash but I knew what I wanted now and I knew I would do anything to be with her. I realised that there are always going to be people who will judge and hate you for who you. But I knew that with Ashley by my side I don't really care what those other people thought. Because I'll have her and as I turned other about to fall asleep. I knew that as long as I had her I could face just about anything.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks again for all the reviews. please keep reviewing - getting reviews makes me happy. so yeh just keep doing it.

-xxx-

Chapter 11

Okay you can do this Spencer. I can do this. Okay, no I can't. Yes you can just get out the car, it's not that hard. This was bad. I had been sat in Clay's car outside Ashley's flat for the last half an hour. I still hadn't gotten up the courage to actually get out of the car.

This was all Clay and Chelsea's fault. I thought crossly thinking back to our conversation the night before.

_Flash back_

_It had been a week since I had done a runner from her place after Kayla walked in on us. I still hadn't called her much less talked to her much to Chelsea's disgust. But what do you say to someone in that situation. 'Hey I'm sorry I called who you are wrong and that it's a sin than literally ran out of your apartment' Yeh that's not going to happen. Unfortunately Chelsea and Clay had other ideas._

_They corned me whilst I was watching T.V in the living room. They came at me in a sort of pincer formation blocking off all hope of escape._

'_This is ridiculous, Spencer' Chelsea landed the first blow. 'You need to call her, go see her, do something'_

_I shrugged at this refusing to look either of them in the eye._

'_Look Spencey' I glared at Clay for using my old childhood nickname. 'You're obviously miserable without her'_

_It was true I was. But instead of just admitting that like any normal person would, I brushed my tears aside and angrily denied it._

'_No I'm not' I knew it wasn't true. They knew it wasn't the truth. Basically everyone knew far too much._

'_Yes you are Spencer' I opened my mouth to speak but Chelsea kept on talking 'And don't you dare deny it' I shut my mouth again._

_Clay joined in. 'It's true Spence I haven't seen you this miserable since mum announced we were leaving Ohio.'_

_I gave up and sadly nodded. 'I just don't know what to do. She probably hates me now. And even if she doesn't. Why would she want to be with someone as screwed up as me? Why would anyone?'_

_Chelsea cut off my melodramatic ramblings. 'Because she loves you.' _

'_What' I trembled looking at her. 'You really think she loves me?'_

'_Yes` Chelsea fiercely replied. 'I've seen the way she looks at you. She looks at you like I look at Clay' She leaned into Clay who had moved to stand by her and looked into his eyes. 'And like I look at you' He told her._

'_Okay, guys. Enough' I yelled at them, wondering what I had started. But they were firmly entangled now and nothing was going to pull them apart._

'_So now we have all figured out who loves who. Tomorrow you need to go to Ashley's flat and go get your girl!'_

'_But I don't have a car' I whined but I was making excuses and Clay knew it._

'_Well you can borrow mine then'_

_I frowned knowing they had got me 'Okay okay tomorrow I'll go speak to her.'_

'_You promise' Chelsea queried._

'_I promise'_

_End of flashback_

Okay Spencer time to get out the car. Shaking I climbed out. Walking cautiously up to her apartment, keeping my head down, concentrating on putting one foot in front of another. Walking through the lobby I received an awkward nod from the familiar door man. I headed towards the elevator and trembling pressed the button.

Once I was standing outside her door I just stood there for a moment contemplating my next move. I was going to ring the doorbell but thankfully I didn't have to.

The door opened and I took a step back fearing that it would be Ashley. It wasn't. It was worse. It was Kayla.

My face instantly turned a bright shade of pink. 'You here to see Ashley?' She said with a hugely amused smile on her face. Embarrassed I nodded. 'She's I in her room.' I stood there. 'Well go on then' She practically pushed me inside before shutting the door. I stood awkwardly in the living room.

I shuffled quickly towards her bedroom door and softly pushed open the door. She was lying on her bed facing away from me almost curled up in a ball. I felt my heart miss a beat. She looked strangely beautiful lying there. I stepped forward and silently cursed as the floor creaked beneath my feet.

'Fuck off. I told you I don't want to talk to you.' She practically yelled at me. I flinched surprised at the harshness of her word though I was hardly surprised.

'Ok I'll just go then' I whispered in response, turning to walk off.

Ashley sat up. 'Wait. Spencer?' I turned around, trying to hide the beginning of tears in my eyes.

'What' I trembled.

'Don't go. I didn't mean it. I thought you were Kayla'. She was smiling now, the most beautiful I had ever seen.

'Okay, I mean. I don't know what I mean' I was smiling now in spite of everything. She motioned for me to come closer. I did, awkwardly shuffling to sit next to her on the edge of her bed. 'Im sorry' I said staring into her eyes trying to let her know how much I meant it. 'Im sorry for everything for what I said, for leaving…' Before I could finish Ash softly covered my mouth with her fingers.

'It doesn't matter' She moved her hand upwards, her fingers caressing my face, running them through my hair. 'All that matters is that you came back.' Her eyes shone with tears of relief and happiness.

I leaned forward into her arms as we embraced; it felt so right in her arms. My head resting just under her chin, I held on tight running my fingers up and down her back. She wanted me I knew that now, I could feel it. How much love there was and it scared me a little but in her arms I felt completely and utterly safe.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry for the long wait, been like crazy with school and crap. Please keep reviewing!

-xxx-

Chapter 12

When I woke up the next morning and realised I wasn't in my own bedroom, I panicked a bit. And then I felt Ashley's arms around me and I remembered where I was and smiled. I had never woken up with anyone before and it felt nice, safe.

I carefully peeled her arm off me and crept out off the bed and tiptoed towards the door. Then I realised I didn't want her to think I had run off again.

So on second thought I turned back, grabbing some pen and paper from her desk and neatly scrawled Spencer slept here' on it followed by an assortment of kisses and love hearts and cryptically wrote 'follow the smell'. I left the messily written note on the pillow beside a sleeping Ashley. Stepping back for a moment to appreciate how peaceful she looked, almost innocent, unguarded. She wasn't like this when she was awake there was always a mask, a wall, barrier – something to protect her from getting hurt. I wished I could break it down somehow. But tearing myself away from my thought, I took one last look at a sleeping angel and left the room and headed to the kitchen. The whole tile praying that Aiden and Kyla were either asleep or out. I really didn't feel like running into Kyla again and as Ash pointed out where Kyla goes Aiden goes.

I tiptoed into the kitchen and began to make pancakes. My dads a pretty awesome cook and he taught me everything I know. I wanted to make her favourite breakfast as a sort of thank you for everything but mostly for forgiving me.

I was so engrossed in my cooking that I failed to notice Ash standing up against the door watching my every move.

'So pancakes huh' Ashley spoke out causing me to practically jump into the air.

'Ashley' I exclaimed in surprise. 'Did I wake you?' Ashley grinned, her eyes surveying my body. 'Oh my God. I did. Im really sorry I was trying to be quiet. Honest.' While I had been saying this Ash had been moving slowly towards me with an amused look on her face.

She lifted a finger and placed it over my lips softly grazing them. The accidental touch sending sparks rippling through my body.

'Spence its okay. You didn't wake me'. I smiled, a little bit relieved but mostly because her finger was now tracing the outline of my jaw. She leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips. I responded instantly puller her closer by the waist – loving the feel of her in my arms.

'You are so adorable when you're flustered' She said her lips inches away from my face, she leaned in again. As I frowned childishly and pushed her away.

'I am not adorable. I am not like a puppy or something' I sated crossly waiting for an apology.

'But I like puppies' I remained staring at her, attempting to give her evils. 'Hey I'm sorry Spence. You're right, you're not cute. You're a sexy, sexy women.' I cringed at her totally over the top apology and a she leaned in again I pushed her away.

'Stop it. I'm going to burn the pancakes if you don't stop.'

'Screw the pancakes' Ashley whispered in my ear.

'I'd rather be screwing you' Crap. Did I just say that out loud? My face instantly turned a deep shade of red and I instinctively began to chew my lower lip. I turned and buried my face in my hands thinking that I had crossed some sort of line. So I was surprised when I heard Ash come up beside me and whisper.

'So would I' I shivered feeling her mouth nuzzling my neck, her hands playing with my shirt.

But I pushed her away gain despite how go it felt, I was still nervous about the whole actually having sex with her thing – fearing I wouldn't know what to do.

'Stop it Ash, I mean It. Im going to burn the pancakes.' She backed off at that her love of food outweighing her constant need to be constantly touching me – not that I complained.

I got on with my cooking and quickly finished. I served Ashley who had laid the table while I was cooking and was now sitting at the table waiting for her food like a small child.

'This looks fantastic Spencer.' She smiled warmly as I blushed at her glowing compliment.

'Thanks' I smiled and hastily tucked in. She was right, it was great. I chuckled to myself at the sight of Ashley who practically had her face in the plate.

She looked up at me 'What'. She said oblivious to her mouth full of half chewed pancake.

'You. You're like some kind of animal'. Her face went blank as if she suddenly realised that she wasn't eating alone. She quickly swallowed her food, her face no wa light pink.

'Im sorry' She mumbled and proceeded to eat a lot more daintily from then on. We ate in silence for a few minutes.

'So what do you want to do tomorrow?' I asked Ash one we had finished. From the cheeky expression on her face I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

'I am taking you out on a date.' She stated matter-of-factly.

'Aren't you supposed to ask Ashley?' I cheekily reminded her.

'What are you saying that you don't want to go out with me?' She said with mock hurt.

'Well I don't know guess you'll have to ask to find out, wont you.' I played along.

'Fine' she huffed, reaching out to take my hand across the table. 'Spencer Marie Carlin' her eyes were serious now, the smile was gone. 'Would you do me the honour of going on a date with me?' Her eyes searching now – as I she thought I would say no.

'Yes' Came my simple reply which was quickly followed by one of Ashley Davies's award winning smiles.

'I would love to go on a date with you'

'Ashley, I wish you would tell me where were going?' Since announcing she was taking me out on a date she had been strangely secretive and it was evening by now. Consequently I was now sitting I the passenger of her convertible with a scarf tied over my eyes and absolutely no idea where we were going.

'Please Ash' I begged. 'Just tell me' I was getting desperate now and more than a little bit scared. 'Im not telling you anything' she stubbornly refused. I could hear music now as I felt the car pull over to park.

'Can I take this off now?' I demanded more than asked while attempting to untie the ridiculously tight knot that held my blind fold in place. But my hands were met with hers as she guided them back to my lap.

'Not yet, Spence' She reprimanded me before sliding out of the car and moving round to open my door.

'Always the gentleman' I joked, receiving a scoff from Ash. She reached down to hold my hand and guided me out of the car. At the contact I felt the same electric sparks that I had felt when she first touched me, way back in that coffee shop, making me catch my breath. She pulled me out of the car and smoothly closed the door behind us.

'Are we there yet?' I asked hopefully while she laughed at my child likeness and said nothing. 'Ash' I demanded impatiently.

Then without warning she pulled the blind fold off. I blinked a few times my eyes adjusting to the light, or rather lack of. I was standing overlooking a moonlit fairground its light shining brightly outwards. I could make out a Ferris wheel and a few small looking roller coasters. It was beautiful. She had remembered.

A little while I had told Ash about this memory I have back from when I was five. It was when my dad had taken me and my brothers to the local fun fair. It was one of my oldest and fondest memories. Mostly I think because my mother wasn't there.

'Ash it's beautiful. I can't believe you remembered' I tore my eyes away from the sight below, to look at seven beautiful sight that was Ashley Davies.

'It's perfect.' I whispered softly slipping my hand into hers.

'No. You're perfect.' I blushed softly and looked away. How had I gotten so lucky?

'Shall we.' She asked gesturing to the nearby path.

'It would be my pleasure' I replied in a similar tone. As I followed her down the narrow path, I looked up at the almost full moon and prayed that tonight would never end.

Once we had reached the edge of the fairground, I noticed something strange.

'Ash?'

'Yeah, Baby'. Oh my God. She called me baby, I felt my knees go weak and I had to hold onto her harder to steady myself. But I tried to focus on my question.

'Where are all the people?' There were no other people here apart from the fairground staff. The place was deserted.

'Oh' she looked slightly guilty for a moment.

'Ash, did you hire the whole place out?' I asked but I knew the answer.

'Sort of'

'And by sort of you mean yes. Right?'

'Yeh'

'Ash how much did this cost?' I felt guilty, I mean I knew that she had the money but I didn't. And I didn't want to fell brought. She seemed to sense my turmoil and held my hand tighter.

'I just wanted to be special. I didn't want anyone to share it with but you. And I thought it would be easier for you to be yourself if no one else was here.' She looked so forlorn standing there, pleading with me with those big brown Bambi eyes. Then I realised what shed done for me. She knew that I wasn't ready for our relationship to go public. And with her public meant plastered all over the newspapers.

'Thanks Ash, it's beautiful.' It was simply put but she knew what I meant.

'I know' and there it was. She was back – Ashley could only be serious for so long. But I didn't care, this was the person that I had fallen for. An obnoxious, crazy, beautiful, sweet and sincere woman. She was all those things and more. Yet I knew that most people wouldn't be able to get past the women bit and wouldn't see how truly amazing she was.

I must have looked sad despite my smile because Ash pulled me into a hug.

'Was it something I did?' Or said?' she asked worriedly.

'No, no. I was just thinking…' I said not really lying but she saw straight through it.

'Tell me'

'I don't want to ruin the moment'

'You won't. Tell me'

'I was just thinking how people will react. To us I mean. How they'll see that were two girls sand they won't see anything else'

'We don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to Spence.'

'But we will at some point. Wont we?'

She didn't say anything.

'We will, wont we'

'Yes Spencer. One day we will tell people. And most people won't care. And if they do then their stupid and we don't need them. Yes their will be people who will hate us and judge us without even knowing us. And trust me; I've been dealing with it since I was fifteen and it's not that bad and anyway now I've got you. And when im with you I feel like I can do anything, take on anything. And that's how I know it's going to be okay because we have each other and that's enough.'

I stared at her overcome by her heartfelt speech. Because I felt like that too and I kind off knew then that everything was going to be allright.

'Do you want to go back?' Ashley asked misreading my signals.

'No' I said a little too quickly. 'I mean, lets stay. This is our night and they can't ruin it for us.'

She smiled. 'If you say so' she said as we continued down the road, hand in hand.

'So what do you want to go on first?' She asked

'Can we get some Candyfloss? First, please Ash.

'Spencer, why are you always thinking of your stomach?'

I pushed her gently.

'Am not'

'Are too'

I gave up at that knowing how competitive Ashley could be, even over something as s small and petty as this. I held up my hands in mock defeat.

'So too the candyfloss then?'

'Defiantly' she replied, as we walked into the centre of the empty fairground, where no one could judge us.

Later that night, I lay in bed, Ashley's arms wrapped around me. The fairground had been perfect. Amazing, Ash had been amazing I thought looking over at her sleeping face. It was the perfect night. The most impossibly perfect date I had ever been on. I could scarcely believe that it had happened to me.

We still hadn't done anything more than kiss, yet I felt more of a connexion with her than any boy I had ever been with – it was like a short sighted person putting on glasses for the first time and seeing everything in high definition. That was like how loving Ashley felt, like I was seeing the world differently. It was an amazing feeling.

Yet there was still that little voice in the back of my mind that kept on telling me it wasn't real. That once everyone knew, and my mother knew, our perfect world would be shattered.

And I wasn't ready for that; I was never going to be ready. And suddenly I was overcome with silent anger. It shouldn't have to matter. I shouldn't hag to live in fear. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. But pretty soon my anger melted into sadness and I felt myself silently sobbing. I wasn't like Ashley I wasn't that strong.

I felt Ashley move beside me and I hastily brushed the tears aside.

'Spence' she murmured half asleep'

'I was'

'Oh sorry I didn't mean to wake you'

'Spence what's wrong?' Now in the half-light she saw my dried tears.

'Nothing just thinking, that all.' I replied honestly and this time she dint question it. I felt her roll over again and I thought she had gone back to sleep, when…

'Spence?'

'Yeh'

'Can I tell you something?'

'Sure'

'You're the first person I've ever slept with. I don't mean sex slept, I mean slept slept. Just thought you should know that's all'

'Right thanks, Ash' I whispered almost silently realising the significance of what she'd said. She trusted me that much. She'd put her trust in me, god knows why, but I had to honour that. She given me her love and I had given her my heart. But I had to be strong and face it. Face reality.


End file.
